The Contravention of Convention

Today happened to be one of those days when I yearned to be lounging at home, sipping on a cold drink while watching the rest of the second season of Prison Break. Yes, it is one of those lazy days that plague the working man, despite the piling of tasks to do.

So, I resorted to blogging to pass the day. It is fool proof. To the casual colleague passing by my station, I appear to be intently focused on writing something on my laptop; maybe an email or an urgent report. Something. Anything. But official. *grins mischievously*

The problem is, every time I sit in front of my computer, I find my self staring at a blank screen, trying to conjure up a piece and failing on each occasion. Even when I have something in mind, essays end up unfinished despite countless attempts to complete at least one.

This made me reminisce all the times I started on a project enthusiastically, only for this flame of fervour sputter and extinguish eventually, leaving only ashes of memories to be blown away by the fleeting mind. (Too much?)

So, with my mind shutting down, this is the only crap I can come out with unfortunately.

I am a Jack of all trades but Master of none.
I have the ambition of a scholar but none of the intelligence.
I have the determination of a sportsman but none of the talents.
I have the aspirations of a gentleman but none of the charm.
I have the heart of a musician but none of the skills.
I have the spirit of an artist but none of the flair.
I have the soul of a poet but none of the wit.

Tagged

I know, I know. I haven’t been updating as fervently as I did before. If you must know (within the confidentiality restrictions imposed of course), I am currently overseeing a crisis in the company. This alone totally leeched all my time away, so with the additional exploratory discussions I have every other day to negate all the drawbacks I am experiencing, I have to sate my update hungry cunctation companions by resorting to pre-written entries; like this:

April 1, 1997
1) How old were you? 13
2) Where did you go to school? Victoria Institution, first day
3) Where did you work? Quadrangle, VI
4) Where did you live? Desa Pandan
5) Where did you hang out? Petaling Street
6) Did you wear glasses? Yes. Too many books
7) Who was your best friend? None yet
8) How many tattoos did you have? None yet
9) How many piercing did you have? No to mutilation
10) What car did you drive? A Proton Saga, to and fro for fun
11) Had you been to a real party? Of course, with cakes and balloons
12) Had your heart broken? Stupid Exam

April 1, 2002
1) How old were you? 18
2) Where did you go to school? PAAC, first day
3) Where did you work? KL
4) Where did you live? Desa Pandan
5) Where did you hang out? KLCC
6) Did you wear glasses? Yes. Too much TV
7) Who was your best friend? I had three
8) Who was your regular-person crush? None
9) How many tattoos did you have? Three
10) How many piercing did you have? No to disfigurement
11) What car did you drive? A Proton Perdana, to and fro for chores
12) Had you had your heart broken? Stupid Competition

April 1, 2007
1) How old are you? 23
2) Where do you work? Subang, day before first day
3) Where do you live? Bangsar
4) Do you wear glasses? Yes. Too much computer
5) Where do you hang out? Company contingent
6) Who is your best friend? I have seven
7) Do you talk to your old friends? Of course
8) How many tattoos? Three
9) How many piercing do you have? No to desecration
11) What kind of car do you drive? A Perodua Myvi, to and fro for work
12) Has your heart been broken? Stupid Idiot

Too Much to Ask

“What is the use of studying psychology when you can’t make the closest people happy?”

This statement appals me with its ignorance as to the responsibilities and the capabilities of all psychologists, let alone an inexperienced psychology graduate. Yet, it epitomizes the frustrations that I go through too, considering we are advised to remain an uninvolved stance in matters that is regarding our loved ones. Even with the potential partiality that may arise in counselling close friends and family, must we limit our expertise to strangers alone?

I guess today’s work of art by one Avril Lavigne illustrates the direness of our situation, especially among the (potentially) most important people in our lives. Just don’t snigger at the thought of me trying to make others laugh; I have no sense of humour apparently.

It’s the first time I ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
Its funny when you think it’s gonna work out
Till you chose weed over me, you're so lame
I thought you were cool until the point
But up until the point you didn’t call me when you said you would
I finally figured out you’re all the same
Always coming up with some kind of story

Every time I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh
You can't, you’re too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm asking for?

Thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

But every time I try to make you smile
You'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh
You stand like a stone
Alone in your zone
Is it too much that I'm asking for?

Can't find where I am lying here alone I fear
Afraid of the dark no one to claim alone again

Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

Every time I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I'm asking for