The Predicament

For the casual readers of this online compositions as well as the acquaintances of mine who did not know better, I was born as the eldest to a cosy (read: small) nucleus family, which managed to retain a close relationship with my extended families. Like many other stereotypical Chinese family, respect is held at the highest regards among its other morality kin. That means greetings must precede most familiar activities such as arrivals, communal meals and departures.

Typical, is it not? It has always been the custom that is inherited from generations to generations so I have never given a second thought about it. So fortunately - or unfortunately depending on how you look at it - I recently was exposed to a family that does not share a similar admiration for respect, and instead put ‘love’ as the forerunning quality on the pedestal of values. That discovery and an episode of soap operas too many.

It does not matter too much, right? Especially since ideals are intangible anyway? I would have agreed, if I did not notice an integral difference in our habits. Sure, the actual full blown shouting, arguments and curses with elders is hard to stomach for the naïve me, but what I truly admire is the ease and blasé manner love towards others is shared and spoken of.

It is true; I believe that such a wonderful phenomenon like love should not be expressed through mere fleeting words alone. Instead, love should be conveyed with both subtle caring behaviours and dramatic affectionate deeds. Such demeanour appears so much more significant; yet I admit the latter is a considerably longer process and the ease of misinterpretation is astounding.

I think the kicker to my adoption of this belief came when a significant person of mine summoned immeasurable courage and confided in me regarding the lack of appreciation that is felt. How easy it is to avoid situations like this if the three simple words were repeated more often?

Since it is Father’s day - although I will still do this on any other commemorative dates - I wonder: how I can effusively express my gratitude and *gasp* love for a family member sincerely, without scaring them into thinking that I’m at the brink of suicide for this suddenly change?